Akatsuki Community Board
by ArtistOfArsenic
Summary: In order to better connect his members, Leader set up a community board for the Akatsuki to post notes on. Apart from Itachi, the others don't seem to take it very seriously.
1. chapter 1

A/N So, I was reading a bunch of Fanfics where the different characters of the Naruto series have diaries and such. So, I wanted to do one with the Akatsuki, but that has probably been done before. Instead, I will give the Akatsuki a community board to post notes on. Chapters will be short, but that means I can update frequently. I'm still working on my other fics though.

 **Disclaimer: I don't, and probably never will own Naruto.**

Talking

 _Thoughts_

Prologue

Leader walked out of his shared room (with Konan), carrying a board with him, and stepped into the living area. All the other Akatsuki members had fallen asleep long ago. The orange haired man nailed the board to the wall, then, pasted a note to it. ' _This better work, my_ Guide To Running An Evil Organization _said Communication is important._ '

Early The Next Morning.

Itachi was the first of the Akatsuki to awake. Carefully shutting the door behind him, as to not awake a loudly snoring Kisame, he walked down the hallway to the living area. Looking around, Itachi blinked in surprise at the board nailed to the wall. There was a single note on it.

 **I have decided to start a community board for the Akatsuki. If you have any ideas, or questions, please post them here-Leader.**


	2. The Board

**_Chapter 1_**

This should prove to be useful.-Itachi

A community board? What the hell konda pansy ass shit is this?!?-Lord Jashin's Noble Follower

I don't expect your tiny brain to comprehend something so simple. However, I would like to know how much Leader-sama spent on this-Kakuzu

Such your heathen mouth bastard!-Hidan

Just reading the board gives me a headache-Sasori

I agree with you Danna. It's not very artistic, yeah.-Deidara

Tobi is a good boy!-Tobi

Yes you are. **A real tasty boy.-** White Zetsu **/Black Zetsu**

Was that meant to be that sexual?-Kisame

Ah! Bad mental images!-Deidara

Pa-I mean Leader, told me to tell you all he already regrets this decision.-Konan

That's why he's only a puppet-Definitely not Madara

Who on Jashins name was that?-Hidan

Probably a new member. Can't be any worse than Orochimaru-Kisame

Agreed-Sasori

Most definitely-Itachi

Hell yeah, that fucker was creepy-Hidan

Yes, and he didn't contribute much money to the organization.-Kakuzu

Yeah! And he thought I was a girl, un.-Deidara

Wait, your not a girl?-Leader

Of course not Leader-sama-Deidara

Well, if you'll all excuse me I have some pictures to delete from my computer.-Leader

 ** _End_**

Well, that's the first chapter, hope you enjoyed. Everyone who got that reference gets a free Tobi.


	3. 3

A/N. as I was writing this chapter, I accidentally exited and lost all my progress. It's cool though, I didn't like the original anyway. But, it got me thinking. Would this be better as a regular story? Let me know what you think.

 ** _Chapter 3_**

Guys, I found this strange man wandering outside the base.-Deidara

Did you capture him brat?-Sasori

Of course danna! He's locked up in Zetsu's closet, yeah.-Deidara

What's in my **fucking closet?-** White Zetsu/ **Black Zetsu**

Oh, it's nothing. I just thought he looked weird, un. His head looks like a fucking pineapple-Deidara

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? It's Tobi!-Tobi

What? Never mind, just take him to Leader.-Sasori

Fine. But don't expect me to share my pineapple head, yeah.-Deidara

Who you calling pineapple head?-The pineapple head in question.

Ooh, look at this person, **tasty treat,** I found in my closet.-White Zetsu/ **Black Zetsu**

Someone help! This crazy plant thing is trying to eat me! It's very troublesome.-Shikamaru

Hey! What's this fucking leaf ninja doing in the base?!-Hidan

It's my new pet, yeah!-Deidara

Like hell I am!-Shikamaru

Whatever. Can we sell him?-Kakuzu

No! I was gonna play with him!-Deidara

Sigh, brat, we've talked about this. If you need someone to take out your sexual frustrations on, just use Hidan. Not random people you captured.-Sasori

What the Hell?!?-Hidan

This is entirely too troublesome...-Shikamaru

 ** _End_**

Well, hope you enjoyed it. I try to put spaces between each note, but it didn't work. Maybe cause I'm on mobile? Did you all see spaces? Whatever, I just tried to put three spaces instead of one this time. Maybe that'll help. See ya!


	4. 3 (06-21 20:37:25)

A/N Here's the next chapter! Remember, if you like it, leave a review. Even if its criticism, I still consider it a review, and I'll try to respond.

 ** _Chapter 3_**

Who the hell has my sacrifice?!-Hidan

What did they look like?-Itachi

Just some random bitch from the village nearby.-Hidan

Oop. Tobi may have fed her to Zetsu.-Tobi

You what!? I'm gonna kill you and scarfice you to Jashin you heathen!-Hidan

Calm down Hidan. Better this than Zetsu spending precious money on lunch.-Mr.Krabs

I'm not gonna calm down damnit! Where am I gonna find a new sacrifice now?-Hidan

Why not just use Deidara's new pet?-Kakuzu

Oh yeah. That's not a bad idea.-Hidan

No! He's mine I say!-Deidara

I belong to no one! *murmurs, except Temari.-Shikamaru

Who is this Temari bitch? I'll kill her, yeah!-Deidara

Someone sounds possessive.-Kisame

Whatever. Go fuck a fish or something, un.-Deidara

Kisame!-Itachi

Yeah?-Kisame

Have you been having sexual relations behind my back?-Itachi

Hah! Itachi lost to a fish!-Deidara

No! It's not like that!-Kisame

Does anyone know a way out of here?-Shikamaru

Yeah, **in my mouth.-** White Zetsu/ **Black Zetsu**

 ** _End._**

Sorry if this chapter is shorter than usual, I'm going for daily updates, and I was pretty tired today. I usually post a new chapter at about 11 or 12 at night.


	5. 4

Sorry, this one took me a while. I'm lazy. Enjoy! Also, I realized I made two chapter threes. I'm gonna ignore it.

 ** _Chapter 4_**

Was this Board really a good idea?-Sasori

Probably not, yeah.-Deidara

Well, my book said it was, and the Guide to Running An Evil Organization is always right. I'm planning on buying the collectors edition.-Leader

Wait, you've based this entire plan of yours and by extension our lives and futures on a book?-Itachi

Of course. I wouldn't have recruited any of you otherwise.-Leader

Who the hell wrote this book!?-Hidan

I don't know. I just found it on Amazon.-Leader

Well, what company published it?-Itachi

 _ProbablyNotBlackZetsu Inc.-_ Leader

What a weird name, un.-Deidara

Could I persuade any of you to let me go?-Shikamaru

No! You're to valuable!-Deidara

In what way? No one has even interrogated him.-Sasori

I'll do it.-Kakuzu

The pineapple head is mine, yeah!-Deidara

Deidara, let Kakuzu interrogate him for information on the Hidden Leaf.-Leader

Fine. But I better get him back in one piece, yeah!-Sasori's Bitch.

Noooooo! I'd rather let that orange masked man-child molest me again!-Shikamaru

Hold up, **Tobi** , molested you?-Kisame

Yes. He said something about "Be a good boy and bend over for me Pineapple-chan~" I'm mentally scarred.-Shikamaru

Hahahahha! The idiot touched you!-Hidan

Ooh! Does Hidan-senpai want to have fun with Tobi too?-Tobi

Help me Kakuzu.-Hidan

No.-Kakuzu

We shall all attend your funeral.-Itachi

Wait, that's right. Hidan-senpai can't die, so I can have as much fun as I want.-Tobi

Jashin save me.-Hidan

 ** _End_**

Well, that's it. I'm actually working on a fic of Tobi and Shikamaru's encounter. I'm planning on storing any side fics of this one in a fic titled, "Akatsuki Board Extras.".


	6. 5

A/N I cringe reading these chapter titles.

 **Chapter 5?**

Yay! Summer!-Tobi

We don't even go to school, why is this relevant?-Sasori

Because, it's so beautiful! Wouldn't you agree Deidara-senpai?-Tobi

Fuck off, yeah.-Deidara

Any have any paper?-Shikamaru

I do. What for?-Konan

Uh. Drawing. Definitely just coloring.-Shikamaru

Oh okay. I left some on the Table.-Konan

Thanks.-Shikamaru

Wonder why he wanted to color so badly?-Sasori

Probably nothing important. He definelty won't write a letter or anything. By the way, does someone have an envelope?-Shikamaru

I do.-Kakuzu

Oh thanks,.-Shikamaru

What'd ya send?-Hidan

A letter to my buddies at the Hidden Leaf. I told them to rescue me.-Shikamaru

 **YOU WHAT?!** -Guy from Spongebob. I mean Leader

Quickly! We must switch bases.-Itachi

Which one do we go to?-Leader

Suna?-Sasori

Nah, too hot, un.-Deidara

Kiri?-Sasori

To wet. Yeah.-Deidara

Iwa?-Sasori

Hell no!-Deidara

Wave Country?-Sasori

We're there right now!-Leader

I know! What about the base near the Hidden Leaf?-Shikamaru

Brilliant! Pack up your stuff Akatsuki, we're leaving!-Leader

This Organization was a terrible idea. Their Leader is the dumbest one.-Once again, definitely not Madara.

Seriously, who the hell is that assbag?!-Hidan

No matter, we're leaving tomorrow at dawn!-Leader

That's not enough time to pack!-Konan

Of course it is woman! What do you need?-Leader

What did you call me, Nagato?-A very pissed of Paper Angel

Nothing my paper rose.-Leader

Hah! Whipped!-Kisame

Kill his fish Itachi.-Leader

With pleasure.-Itachi

Noooo!!!-Kisame

 ** _End_**

Enjoy. I know someone must have read this story by now. Review damnit!


	7. ?

A/N It's been a while. Sorry. Anyway, I had to re-read all the chapters to remember where I was going with this garbage.

 ** _Fuck You Chapter Number I'll Never Remember_**

Is everyone packed up and ready to leave?-Leader

Yeah.-Deidara

Hn-Itachi

Yes.-Sasori

Fuck you.-Hidan

I've been ready.-Kakuzu

I never had anything to begin with.-Shikamaru

Tobi packed his lollipops!-Tobi

Yes, **hurry up.-** Zetsu

I'm ready as well.-The only worthy Uchiha

Anyone else see this fucker besides me?!?-Hidan

Wait, where's Kisame and Konan?-Leader

I believe she's comforting Kisame over the loss of his fish.-Itachi

Tell them to hurry up. I hate waiting.-Sasori

Yeah yeah, you're an impatient old man danna. We get it.-Deidara

How are we getting there anyway?-Kakuzu

Yeah, there's no way I'm running all the way to fucking Konoha and carrying all this shit.-Hidan

Yes. I'm too fabulous to run.-Itachi

We'll take Tobi's wagon.-Leader

Then who's pulling it?-Itachi

Kisame if he doesn't get his ass moving.-Leader

 ** _End_**

I'm considering writing another chapter of their journey to Konoha, cause I don't see how I can do it in Community Board form. Also, I'm changing the rating to M for Hidan swearing and some minor sexual content.


	8. Chapter 8

Been a while. I'm just procrastinating other stories. And this is easier. I lost another account, but I'm considering adding those stories here. Anyway, when I left off I believe they were going to Konoha or something.

 **Chapter Yeight**

Why do I have to pull the wagon?-Kisame

Because you were slow, and it's cost efficient.-Kakuzu

But Hidan's faster-Kisame

Hell no!-Hidan

He makes a convincing argument-Itachi

I agree. Hidan join Kisame and both of you can pull the wagon.-Leader

This is the funniest journey I've ever been on.-Shikamaru

I'm frankly more surprised Leader brought the entire board with him.-Sasori

Of course, it is a part of us now.-Leader

Yeah, and it's already more useful than Leader-Konan

Why do you do this to me?-Leader

Probably because you're a homicidal maniac who is not living up to my ideals-Yahiko

I feel like it-Konan

Hah-Madara

Why am I the only one who sees these fuckers?!?-Hidan

It is all merely an illusion.-Madara

Hold up, I smell Leaf ninja incoming.-Leader

FINALLY! FREEDOM!!!-Shikamaru

Everyone, form a defensive perimeter, they will not take our pineapple today!-Leader

(Hey look its gonna be in actual story form for this part.)

The Akatsuki circled around the Nara, who was too busy celebrating to care. A squad of ninja lept out of the trees, led by none other than Asuma. The rest of the squad consisted of Kakashi, Naruto, Ino, and Choji.

"Shikamaru!" Ino shouted. Kakashi narrowed his one visible eye at the Akatsuki. "So, Nagato, can I kill them?" Asked Madara, bored. Pain shook his head in response, while Hidan looked disbelieving between the two. They could see him!

"Give back Shikamaru!" Naruto shouted. Deidara stepped forward. "No! He's mine!" He declared. The two glared at each other, and Naruto began forming a rasengan. Kakashi grabbed his arm. "Wait." He said.

"Akatsuki. What are you after?" Asuma asked. Pain looked at him stoically. "Real estate." He said flatly. Kisame leaned over to whisper in Kakuzu ear. "It's free real estate." He said. Kakuzu stared at him oddly, then shook his head. "You've been spending too much time on the computer with Zetsu.".

"You can never spend enough time on there." Kisame replied. "Just give us Shikamaru, and you can leave in peace." Kakashi said. He really didn't want it fight the Akatsuki today, he just wanted to read his book in peace!

"Sure, just give us Naruto in return." He said. "With pleasure." Ino said, pushing Naruto forwards. Pain nodded, and pushed Shikamaru towards the Leaf ninja. Naruto began to protest, but was interrupted by Itachi. "I'll give you ramen." He said. Naruto had no more protests.

"Nooooo!!!" Deidara cried. He was ignored, except by Sasori. He laughed deeply for many minutes. The Leaf ninja jumped away, and Pain turned back to his organization. "Alright, let's finish the journey to Konoha, to buy a new hideout. We'll be using formation number 15." Kisame started laughing. "Burger King foot lettuce. Th **e last thing you'd want-"** Zetsu was cut off by Pain almighty pushing him away.

 **End**

Meme references. I'll try to keep those to a minimum. Anyway, see you at least 4 more times this month.

Phone autocorrect sucks. R.I.P.


End file.
